In honor of the impending marching band season (I suppose there's some football, too), I thought to would be an appropriate time to talk about why marching band is so awesome. I know that most of you were in high school and/or college band (because the primary mode for distributing my blog is through Facebook, and most of my Facebook friends (and, y'know, in-person friends) are from band... but more on that later), so consider this an opportunity to reminisce. For those of you outliers who weren't, consider this a chance to find out what you missed!
(For those of you who did drum corps, I didn't, so you're just going to have to deal with it if something I say doesn't match up with your experience.)
Free admission to football games!
This one is pretty self-explanatory. The seats are usually pretty decent, too, and most band folks are at least fairly familiar with football. (Not everyone, though, which does baffle me. How can you go to years worth of games and not at least have a basic understanding of what's going on on the field?) But even if the seats weren't decent, it's still pretty awesome getting into the games.
Of course, it's not REALLY free, in that you're just actually paying for admission with your time, effort, and services. Even just assuming minimum wage for the 15 or so hours every week that you spend in rehearsal and performing means your admission is worth well upwards of $100/game. But you do get academic credit (some places) and awesome trips (see below), so let's just go, "Free admission!" and call it good.
Learning some responsibility
I'm sure most bands have a saying along the lines of, "If you're early, you're on time. If you're on time, you're late. If you're late, you're left behind." Marching band is a great way to learn some time management skills. (I'll tell you in a later post about my issues with alarm clocks in college.) My first year in HMB, we actually left someone in Eugene after the game because he was late getting back to the buses. A worser fate, I cannot imagine.
You also get to be in charge of your own stuff. If you forget something, you get to deal with it. If it's small stuff like spats or gloves, the equipment manager can probably fix you up. But people have been known to forget parts of their uniforms, or even their instruments. (How you forget your instrument in band is beyond me, but... oh, wait, that was me, once. Thankfully it was just back in the instrument storage room, but still. Whoops.)
Band trips!
I'm pretty sure it's impossible to overstate the awesomeness of band trips. Even in high school, band trips are awesome. You often get out of classes, you get to stay in hotels with your friends, and the competitions are pretty fun, too.
College band trips are even better. Away game trips, flights, charter buses rather than school buses, no curfew, bowl trips... well, most bowl trips. I'll tell you the story of the 2002 Sun Bowl trip someday (for those of you who didn't get the dubious pleasure of living through it, too). And per diem! Who doesn't like getting money to buy their meals?
And the romance, of course. Band trips are legendary for the copious (and sometimes bizarre/awkward/surprising) amount of... romantic connections between band members. I can't think of a single band trip that I was on that didn't involve the formation (however temporary) of at least one couple. Well, maybe the basketball pepband trip to LA that was less than 24 hours, but that's about it.
Exercise
Hours of marching practice each week will definitely burn plenty of calories. And who can forget the first few days of fall camp, where your muscles have to relearn how to march (especially if you're in a high-stepping band). As someone who was not good at self-motivating for exercise in college, fall was definitely my fittest time of year.
It's a safe place
I'm sure this will be a huge shock, but there's some drinking that goes on in college. (High school, too, but that wasn't really my scene, so I can't speak from experience there.) Fortunately, band kids are generally a good sort, which makes band parties a pretty safe environment for, shall we say, indulgence. Especially for those who are just getting started in that sort of thing and don't know their limits just yet. I also don't believe you have worry about spiked drinks or anything like that. Even the band folks who come off as complete jerks most of the time can be counted on to help you out if you get yourself in trouble in this sort of a situation.
It makes your school a bit smaller
For those who go to a large college, the sheer number of students, most of whom you don't know (unlike high school, where you probably knew a significant number of classmates from middle or even elementary school), can be overwhelming. Fortunately, marching band gives you a nigh-instantaneous group of people you will at least recognize, and chances are that you'll see some of them every time you're walking around campus, and some may even be in your classes (especially the bigger ones). That can be hugely reassuring, and makes your new school a little more welcoming.
It's a huge rush
I literally don't have the words to express what it's like the first time you march out in front of 70,000+ fans for a show (or, for those poor sad schools to the south and east with smaller stadiums, fewer fans than that). Being out on the field, with the stadium and all the fans towering around you... It's just incredible.
There's still some of that in high school, especially at the competitions, but college is another level entirely.
Friends forever! (Pinky swear!) Or even more.
Given everything you go through together, how much time you spend together, the fact that you've all seen each other in various states of undress as you change on buses, it's no surprise that most of your friends while in band are going to be other band kids. It generally seems to stay that way after band, though. As I mentioned above, most of my friends are from band, and my closest friends are all people I know from band, or married to people I know from band.
Speaking of marriage, there's also a great chance that you're going to marry someone from marching band. In that close group of friends, everyone who's married married someone else from band, except for one. (But you're still awesome, Linnet!) That's even broadly true in my larger circle of friends. I think the majority of people I know from HMB who are married married someone else from HMB, and I suspect that's probably the case for other bands, too.
TL;DR: Because reasons.
Alrighty, fellow band kids, your turn. Anything you want to add or emphasize? I wouldn't blame you; I feel like I'm barely doing this justice here.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Sports Discussions PSA
We'll return to our (semi-)regularly scheduled novella-length posts soon, but in the meantime, there's a pressing matter that we need to get straightened out before regular-season football kicks off and the Mariners (hopefully) play their first meaningful September baseball in over a decade. (After the Phillies series, we're not going to mention October right now.)
The issue: WAY too many people have trouble with the difference between "bias" and "biased", and "dominate" and "dominant". And I simply can't face another 4+ months of seeing the wrong words used. So let's get this figured out, shall we?
Bias: Bias is a noun. (Okay, technically it can be a verb, too, but we're ignoring that for the purposes of this tutorial.). It's a thing, which people can have. It is not a description. You can't be bias any more than you can be tire, or excite, or worry. See how that works?
Examples:
ESPN has an SEC bias. (Good, and oh so true.)
There is a bias in the umpiring system against the Mariners. (Good. Well, not good, but accurate (at least when it comes to Tony Randazzo) and a proper usage.)
Oregon fans are stupidly bias for their stupid team and its stupid uniforms. (Oh so true, but an incorrect usage.)
Biased: Biased is an adjective. It describes a person or attitude. In fairness, I rarely see this used incorrectly (when it is used). The main problem is using "bias" where you should be using "biased", as described above.
Example:
Anyone who suggests that Felix is not the awesomest pitcher in MLB is clearly biased.
Dominate: This is a verb. It's an action; it's something one does. It is not, for the love of all that is holy, an adjective which is used to describe something or someone. Just don't do it. Please.
Examples:
Man, UW really dominated Oregon this year! (Good, and totally going to happen.)
Felix dominates every team he pitches against. (Good.)
The SEC is the most dominate conference! WOOOOOO! (Wrong, and I hate you.)
Dominant: This is an adjective, which is used to describe someone or something. As with "biased", this usually isn't used incorrectly when it is used; the problem is the use of "dominate" when you mean "dominant".
Examples:
Iwakuma is actually just as dominant of a pitcher as Felix is, which is awesome. (Good on all sorts of levels.)
The Huskies' offensive line should be dominant this year with all of the returning experience. (Good, and here's hoping.)
Um, the SEC dominants everyone? (Still wrong. Go have more Franzia.)
I appreciate your attention to this matter. And don't make me unfriend you by thinking it'll be funny to use these incorrectly on purpose in the comments. You'll be as wrong as that SEC fan.
Gratias tibi ago.
The issue: WAY too many people have trouble with the difference between "bias" and "biased", and "dominate" and "dominant". And I simply can't face another 4+ months of seeing the wrong words used. So let's get this figured out, shall we?
Bias: Bias is a noun. (Okay, technically it can be a verb, too, but we're ignoring that for the purposes of this tutorial.). It's a thing, which people can have. It is not a description. You can't be bias any more than you can be tire, or excite, or worry. See how that works?
Examples:
ESPN has an SEC bias. (Good, and oh so true.)
There is a bias in the umpiring system against the Mariners. (Good. Well, not good, but accurate (at least when it comes to Tony Randazzo) and a proper usage.)
Oregon fans are stupidly bias for their stupid team and its stupid uniforms. (Oh so true, but an incorrect usage.)
Biased: Biased is an adjective. It describes a person or attitude. In fairness, I rarely see this used incorrectly (when it is used). The main problem is using "bias" where you should be using "biased", as described above.
Example:
Anyone who suggests that Felix is not the awesomest pitcher in MLB is clearly biased.
Dominate: This is a verb. It's an action; it's something one does. It is not, for the love of all that is holy, an adjective which is used to describe something or someone. Just don't do it. Please.
Examples:
Man, UW really dominated Oregon this year! (Good, and totally going to happen.)
Felix dominates every team he pitches against. (Good.)
The SEC is the most dominate conference! WOOOOOO! (Wrong, and I hate you.)
Dominant: This is an adjective, which is used to describe someone or something. As with "biased", this usually isn't used incorrectly when it is used; the problem is the use of "dominate" when you mean "dominant".
Examples:
Iwakuma is actually just as dominant of a pitcher as Felix is, which is awesome. (Good on all sorts of levels.)
The Huskies' offensive line should be dominant this year with all of the returning experience. (Good, and here's hoping.)
Um, the SEC dominants everyone? (Still wrong. Go have more Franzia.)
I appreciate your attention to this matter. And don't make me unfriend you by thinking it'll be funny to use these incorrectly on purpose in the comments. You'll be as wrong as that SEC fan.
Gratias tibi ago.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Poor Driving: Merging Edition
(Warning: this post is going to have a lot of profanity in it. I know I don't swear much, especially on this blog, but I think if there's one thing we can all agree deserves some swears, it's a bunch of dumbass motherfuckers who can't drive their cars, amirite?)
Seattle drivers, you suck at driving. Of course, youdon't think you suck at driving. You're a good driver. Of course you are. It's all the other nincompoops on the road that are the problem, not you.
Sure.
Based on all of the stupid, oblivious or just plain obnoxious shit I see every day on my commute, though, you're the problem too. But your sins are legion; I simply can't fit them all into one blog post. So today we're going to focus on one of the biggest problems of them all:
Merging.
Way too many of you need to learn how to fucking merge. At least half the drivers I see on the road in merging situations are doing it wrong. And it's fucking up the commute for the rest of us. Today was even worse; apparently it was "International Idiotic Merger Day" or some shit like that.
So let's break it down into nice, easy-to-follow steps from all three sides of the merge. (Yes, there are three.)
Mergers from an on-ramp
1) Get the fuck up to freeway speed. Seriously, it's not that hard. You know that pedal on the right-hand side of your footwell? Pressing harder on that makes you go faster. It's a technological marvel. Try it sometime. Like when you're headed down an on-ramp towards the freeway. You can't merge properly if you're not going fast enough.
And even over here in Seattle, the vast majority of on-ramps are plenty long enough to get up to speed. (Eastern Washington, with its vast expanses of open land, can afford to give you half a mile of on-ramp to get up to speed. We don't have room over here for that shit, but what you do get is damn well enough.)
I know from personal experience, for example, that every single on-ramp from Lynnwood to downtown on southbound I-5, with the exception of the Yale on-ramp, is long enough to get up to 60 mph. Really, I promise. (You can probably even make Yale if you try hard enough, but I can't in good conscience levy that as a reasonable expectation. It's a really short ramp.) Most of them are even long enough to do it from the meter. If I can do it in a shitty-ass Dodge minivan hauling several other people for my vanpool, your Prius or Outback can manage it too.
Yes, you might have to gun the engine to more than 2000 rpm. It will survive.
2) Find a fucking gap in the traffic. I cannot tell you how many times I've seen some dipshit cruise obliviously down the on-ramp, exactly paralleling a car on the freeway, only to have to slam on his brakes when the merging lane ends because he wasn't paying attention to the traffic he was merging with.
Do not fucking do that shit. As you're coming down the ramp, line yourself up with a break in between cars, not right next to one. The cars on the freeway may not leave much of a gap. That's not your fault; that's on them for either being oblivious dipshits or assholes. Just do your best, and generally everything will work out.
Oh, and one car to a gap, please. If you try to cram in to a gap as a second car, you're a jerk and I hate you.
3) Have some motherfucking confidence. Many of the poor merges I see are caused by people just being too damn timid. If you've found yourself a gap, then get the fuck over into the lane! Don't cruise next to the gap; don't hover partway over like an indecisive asswipe shit-for-brains. Just go! If you're scared because you don't know if you'll fit because you don't know how big your car is, you'd damn well better have gotten that car within the last week. Otherwise, there's no excuse for not having a sense for whether or not you'll fit into a particular gap.
You can adjust spacing with the car in front once you're in the lane. Just get over already!
Ta-da! You have successfully merged onto the freeway from an on-ramp without slamming traffic to a standstill. Congratulations.
Mergees in the freeway lane
1. Plan ahead and leave a goddamn gap between you and the car in front of you. If done properly, this will cost you, like, a second of travel time. Here's how this works: (a) see an upcoming on-ramp; (b) slow down just slightly to let the car in front of you pull away enough to open a gap; (c) resume your former speed.
It's really that fucking simple. And if you do this, then you won't have to slam on your brakes later to open that gap for someone who's been forced far below freeway speed by your stupid-ass driving.
2. Pay some fucking attention to the mergers. I cannot tell you how many times I've seen some dipshit cruise obliviously down the freeway, exactly paralleling a car on the on-ramp, only to have to slam on his brakes when the merging lane ends because he wasn't paying attention to the traffic that was merging.
Do not fucking do that shit. As you're driving next to the ramp, line yourself up with a break in between cars, not right next to one. The cars on the on-ramp may not maintain this spacing well. That's not your fault; that's on them for either being oblivious dipshits or assholes. Just do your best, and generally everything will work out.
3. Don't be a dick.. Your time is not so important that you can't afford to let one person merge in front of you, unless someone is actively in labor inside your vehicle. Then you're excused.
People in the lane next to the merging lane.
Here's the third side of the merge I was talking about. It's not just about the mergers and the mergees; the people next to the action can cause problems, too. So here's what to do:
1. Don't fuck this shit up. Ideally, the people in the lane next to you and the people in the on-ramp are engaged in a carefully choreographed dance that will allow them to seamlessly merge with one another like... Well, fill in your own graphically lewd analogy here. Anyways, you have one job here. Stay the fuck out of the way. See that gap in the lane next to you? That's not for you, even if that lane is going faster. That's for someone merging, and if you take it, you've just screwed up all the careful work those people just put in, cockblocker.
If you do this before the on-ramp actually reaches the freeway, you're just a jerk. If you do it while people are actually trying to merge, you are either the most oblivious idiot in the history of the universe, or you are an absolute and complete asshole who is destined for the special hell of which Shepherd Book spoke.
You may have an excuse if the on-ramp is actually a weave lane and you're trying to exit. You will still receive a contemptuous look for not planning ahead better.
One other thing, inspired by the discussions of the zipper merge during the recent Trafficpocalypse. I have no objections to the zipper merge, but those who zip really fast up to the front, and then have to slam on their brakes and force the people in the other lane to do the same to let them in can go rot in hell. It's not going to ruin your whole fucking day if your opportunity to merge smoothly happens a car or three back from the end of the lane. It is going to ruin a lot of other people's days when the backup caused by your selfish assholery ripples back through the lanes.
I'm a nice guy; if I see you actively trying to merge smoothly before the lane ends, I will more than happy to open a spot for you. But if you're stopped at the end of the lane trying to nudge your way in, well then, fuck you, you can just sit there and rot.
TL;DR: Merging is actually easy: pay attention and don't be a dipshit.
What poor driving technique drives you up the wall? Let me know! As you may have guessed from the post title, this will probably be a multi-part series. So let me know what bugs you. Odds are it bugs me too, and I'll swear at it a lot for you in a future blog post.
Seattle drivers, you suck at driving. Of course, youdon't think you suck at driving. You're a good driver. Of course you are. It's all the other nincompoops on the road that are the problem, not you.
Sure.
Based on all of the stupid, oblivious or just plain obnoxious shit I see every day on my commute, though, you're the problem too. But your sins are legion; I simply can't fit them all into one blog post. So today we're going to focus on one of the biggest problems of them all:
Merging.
Way too many of you need to learn how to fucking merge. At least half the drivers I see on the road in merging situations are doing it wrong. And it's fucking up the commute for the rest of us. Today was even worse; apparently it was "International Idiotic Merger Day" or some shit like that.
So let's break it down into nice, easy-to-follow steps from all three sides of the merge. (Yes, there are three.)
Mergers from an on-ramp
1) Get the fuck up to freeway speed. Seriously, it's not that hard. You know that pedal on the right-hand side of your footwell? Pressing harder on that makes you go faster. It's a technological marvel. Try it sometime. Like when you're headed down an on-ramp towards the freeway. You can't merge properly if you're not going fast enough.
And even over here in Seattle, the vast majority of on-ramps are plenty long enough to get up to speed. (Eastern Washington, with its vast expanses of open land, can afford to give you half a mile of on-ramp to get up to speed. We don't have room over here for that shit, but what you do get is damn well enough.)
I know from personal experience, for example, that every single on-ramp from Lynnwood to downtown on southbound I-5, with the exception of the Yale on-ramp, is long enough to get up to 60 mph. Really, I promise. (You can probably even make Yale if you try hard enough, but I can't in good conscience levy that as a reasonable expectation. It's a really short ramp.) Most of them are even long enough to do it from the meter. If I can do it in a shitty-ass Dodge minivan hauling several other people for my vanpool, your Prius or Outback can manage it too.
Yes, you might have to gun the engine to more than 2000 rpm. It will survive.
2) Find a fucking gap in the traffic. I cannot tell you how many times I've seen some dipshit cruise obliviously down the on-ramp, exactly paralleling a car on the freeway, only to have to slam on his brakes when the merging lane ends because he wasn't paying attention to the traffic he was merging with.
Do not fucking do that shit. As you're coming down the ramp, line yourself up with a break in between cars, not right next to one. The cars on the freeway may not leave much of a gap. That's not your fault; that's on them for either being oblivious dipshits or assholes. Just do your best, and generally everything will work out.
Oh, and one car to a gap, please. If you try to cram in to a gap as a second car, you're a jerk and I hate you.
3) Have some motherfucking confidence. Many of the poor merges I see are caused by people just being too damn timid. If you've found yourself a gap, then get the fuck over into the lane! Don't cruise next to the gap; don't hover partway over like an indecisive asswipe shit-for-brains. Just go! If you're scared because you don't know if you'll fit because you don't know how big your car is, you'd damn well better have gotten that car within the last week. Otherwise, there's no excuse for not having a sense for whether or not you'll fit into a particular gap.
You can adjust spacing with the car in front once you're in the lane. Just get over already!
Ta-da! You have successfully merged onto the freeway from an on-ramp without slamming traffic to a standstill. Congratulations.
Mergees in the freeway lane
1. Plan ahead and leave a goddamn gap between you and the car in front of you. If done properly, this will cost you, like, a second of travel time. Here's how this works: (a) see an upcoming on-ramp; (b) slow down just slightly to let the car in front of you pull away enough to open a gap; (c) resume your former speed.
It's really that fucking simple. And if you do this, then you won't have to slam on your brakes later to open that gap for someone who's been forced far below freeway speed by your stupid-ass driving.
2. Pay some fucking attention to the mergers. I cannot tell you how many times I've seen some dipshit cruise obliviously down the freeway, exactly paralleling a car on the on-ramp, only to have to slam on his brakes when the merging lane ends because he wasn't paying attention to the traffic that was merging.
Do not fucking do that shit. As you're driving next to the ramp, line yourself up with a break in between cars, not right next to one. The cars on the on-ramp may not maintain this spacing well. That's not your fault; that's on them for either being oblivious dipshits or assholes. Just do your best, and generally everything will work out.
3. Don't be a dick.. Your time is not so important that you can't afford to let one person merge in front of you, unless someone is actively in labor inside your vehicle. Then you're excused.
People in the lane next to the merging lane.
Here's the third side of the merge I was talking about. It's not just about the mergers and the mergees; the people next to the action can cause problems, too. So here's what to do:
1. Don't fuck this shit up. Ideally, the people in the lane next to you and the people in the on-ramp are engaged in a carefully choreographed dance that will allow them to seamlessly merge with one another like... Well, fill in your own graphically lewd analogy here. Anyways, you have one job here. Stay the fuck out of the way. See that gap in the lane next to you? That's not for you, even if that lane is going faster. That's for someone merging, and if you take it, you've just screwed up all the careful work those people just put in, cockblocker.
If you do this before the on-ramp actually reaches the freeway, you're just a jerk. If you do it while people are actually trying to merge, you are either the most oblivious idiot in the history of the universe, or you are an absolute and complete asshole who is destined for the special hell of which Shepherd Book spoke.
You may have an excuse if the on-ramp is actually a weave lane and you're trying to exit. You will still receive a contemptuous look for not planning ahead better.
One other thing, inspired by the discussions of the zipper merge during the recent Trafficpocalypse. I have no objections to the zipper merge, but those who zip really fast up to the front, and then have to slam on their brakes and force the people in the other lane to do the same to let them in can go rot in hell. It's not going to ruin your whole fucking day if your opportunity to merge smoothly happens a car or three back from the end of the lane. It is going to ruin a lot of other people's days when the backup caused by your selfish assholery ripples back through the lanes.
I'm a nice guy; if I see you actively trying to merge smoothly before the lane ends, I will more than happy to open a spot for you. But if you're stopped at the end of the lane trying to nudge your way in, well then, fuck you, you can just sit there and rot.
TL;DR: Merging is actually easy: pay attention and don't be a dipshit.
What poor driving technique drives you up the wall? Let me know! As you may have guessed from the post title, this will probably be a multi-part series. So let me know what bugs you. Odds are it bugs me too, and I'll swear at it a lot for you in a future blog post.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Movies You Love More Than They Probably Deserve
You know you have them. Those movies that, for whatever reason, be it sentimental, or just that they strike you the right way, or whatever, you just love, even though you know they're not that great of movies. Or that they're honestly really terrible movies.
(And we're not talking about MST3K adaptations or "so bad they're good" type movies. Otherwise Manos: The Hands of Fate would top everyone's lists. No, these are movies that you love despite all their flaws. Think Sonnet 141 (and then keep it in mind for later).)
Well, I've got mine, too, and today, for your reading pleasure, I'm going to talk about three of them.
1) Mallrats
The infamous Kevin Smith Viewaskewniverse movie that was so bad that he actually apologized for it once (note that by limiting this to the Viewaskewniverse, I get to ignore Jersey Girl. I think that's really best for everyone). Honestly, though, I don't think it was really necessary (and neither did he, apparently, since he later recanted the apology).
(If you haven't heard the term 'Viewaskewniverse' before, it's the five movies with Jay and Silent Bob in them. Or is it six? I know there was a Clerks 2, but I haven't seen it, so I don't know if they're in it or not. Anyways, if you still don't know what I'm talking about, then you might as well skip on down to movie #2. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.)
As with most people who enjoy Kevin Smith's movies, I enjoy the snappy dialogue and nerdy yet eclectic content. Who can forget the Man of Steel coital debate in the food court? (Or the ensuing debate about what constitutes the food court?) There are some jokes with a decent amount of buildup throughout the movie, too, before the payoff (like the escalator).
Plus, I love me some Jason Lee. It's possible that I've watched movies just because Jason Lee was in them. (My Name is Earl, not so much.) What can I say? I love the dope. He's funny, yet Everyman.
So what's wrong with it? Well, the plot's not that great, even for Kevin Smith. The Jay and Silent Bob antics with the stage are just stupid; slapstick is not their thing. And the underage and "uncomfortable place" sex jokes, while hilarious when I was in high school, are a bit less so now.
And the cast (aside from Jason Lee, obviously, who can do no wrong)... meh. Jeremy London overacts everything, Claire Forlani is, well, Claire Forlani, and young Ben Affleck is, well, young Ben Affleck. (Did you remember that Ben Affleck is in this movie? Of course you did, since he's actually in every Viewaskewniverse movie from here on out. (Again, except for maybe Clerks 2, I don't know. Haven't seen it. I still don't know if it even counts, either. I'll let you look it up. Homework!)) Shannon Doherty isn't bad, and I love her voice, but still, meh.
But ultimately, this movie reminds me of high school. Which it should, since that's when it came out, and when I watched it. So that's not surprising. But it brings back good memories, and a strange desire to carry around small Dixie cups.
2) Boys and Girls
I'm going to be up front with you on this one. This is a crappy movie. When your friend that is notorious for liking bad movies thinks that this is a bad movie, you know you're in trouble.
The plot is choppy as all heck, what with all of the time jumps (though those do serve a purpose). Claire Forlani is absolutely a Manic Pixie Dream Girl (warning: that link goes to TVTropes. Enter at your own risk). Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Jason Biggs are who they always are. The movie fails the Bechdel test miserably.
The movie also borrows heavily from She's All That, what with Freddie Prinze, Jr., having characters walk into flashbacks (which is actually kind of a cool effect and transition, but having two movies use it basically back to back wasn't great), and a random choreographed mass dance scene for no real reason. As this is not a musical, this is not okay. It just feels like going through the motions.
Plus, the movie puts WSU in Seattle. I don't think anyone on either side of that is going to find that acceptable. Oregon folks might, but we all know what THEY'RE like. (Sorry to the (at least) two friends who went to U of O and might read this. You know I still love you guys.) It's a very small part of the movie, but still. It burns us. Gollum! Gollum!
So why do I like it so much? Sentimentality, primarily, I guess. This movie came out the summer before I started college, and as it's about the main character starting and going through college, it resonated with me quite a bit. It was also a couple solid parallels with things that happened to me later in college.
Additionally, there's a reason that the Manic Pixie Dream Girl (henceforth known as MPDG, because that's just tedious to spell out) is considered wish fulfillment. I do wish to stop here and clearly state, emphatically and for the record, so that there will be no confusion, outrage or serious discussions later, that Emily is not an MPDG, and that I do not wish her to be. The MPDG is not wish fulfillment now, but it was back then, I admit.
Plus, I apparently had a thing for Claire Forlani. As one does. (That is a thing one does, isn't it? Surely there's someone out there who'll back me up on this?) So there's that.
3) 10 Things I Hate About You
I debated whether or not to include this one here, because it's actually a pretty good movie. Actually, don't believe the IMDB rating; this movie is great. They're just missing what's there. It's only on here because I love this movie to death, which is probably a bit more than it deserves. (It's possible that I can practically recite this movie by heart, and that I've driven Emily crazy with the frequency with which I quote it in responses to things she says. I can't help it! They're just something I have, you know, lying around my brain.)
I mean, what's not to like about this movie? The dialogue is great, and even includes some Shakespeare. The cast is fantastic. The dad is so completely unbalanced in a hilariously, yet perfectly reasonable way. (For whatever value of "perfectly reasonable" you want to assign given "completely unbalanced". But come on, he's up to his elbows in placenta all day long, including teen pregnancies. That's got to do something to a single dad with two teen daughters and who is constantly being called back to work.)
The humor is a nice blend of slapstick and dialogue, by which I mean there's a dash of slapstick. (You will not be finding Jackass on any of my lists of movies that involve me liking them.) How can you not find Allison Janney's guidance counselor funny? (And this movie had Allison freakin' Janney in it! As a small supporting character!) And the soundtrack and score are both done very well.
Yes, this movie definitely fails the Bechdel test, too, but I think that's forgivable. This is high school, after all. Just about every real-life high school conversation fails the Bechdel test. (And the same for whatever the version of the Bechdel test would be for guys.) Add the fact that this is a rom-com, and there you have it.
Plus, it's set in Seattle! Was most of the filming done in Seattle? Well, okay, no, not actually, but Stadium High School is still a pretty awesome setting, and they do a good job of including at least a few significant Seattle locations.
A few of you have already heard this story, but seeing this movie is actually what convinced me to go to UW, be a Husky. (Grrrr-rrrr. Rrrrrrr!) (For the record, that's not something we actually do.) I'd been trying to decide between UW and ASU, and this movie reminded me just how pretty and green Seattle is, and how gorgeous it is when the weather's nice. ASU has nice Spanish architecture, but "pretty", "green" and "gorgeous" it is not. So that was the tipping point in my decision. (Good work, AJ.) Yes, a non-trivial amount of my college decision process was influenced by a movie. (Sorry, Mom and Dad!) (Actually, I think you guys liked that I was a 3 1/2 hour drive away instead of a several hour flight away, so no complaints.) Worked out, though!
You may have noticed that I haven't really said anything bad about this movie. That would be because there's really nothing bad to say about it. It's just that, were I to have to be completely, totally, gun-to-my-head honest, I would not rank this movie among the all-time cinematic masterpieces. (Although a lot of those are overrated, too!) It's no Bikini Kill or the Raincoats. But if you don't watch this movie, or if you choose to say anything bad about it, I do want you to understand the full weight of your decision.
So that's it. I could probably come up with more movies that I love more than they deserve, but three is a good number. Instead, anyone want to share some of their own picks? Leave a note in the comments, or on Facebook!
(Also, there are three quotes in here that don't belong to the movies named. (The LotR one doesn't count.) The first should be glaringly obvious, but bonus points to whoever can identify the second (it's actually from TV), and double extra bonus points to anyone who finds the third, since you either have to follow the inner workings of my twisted brain through a couple free-associative leaps, or just know that particular movie fairly well. We'll keep score just like Whose Line Is It, Anyway?)
(And I regret nothing about all of the 10 Things quotes. That movie is brilliant.)
(And we're not talking about MST3K adaptations or "so bad they're good" type movies. Otherwise Manos: The Hands of Fate would top everyone's lists. No, these are movies that you love despite all their flaws. Think Sonnet 141 (and then keep it in mind for later).)
Well, I've got mine, too, and today, for your reading pleasure, I'm going to talk about three of them.
1) Mallrats
The infamous Kevin Smith Viewaskewniverse movie that was so bad that he actually apologized for it once (note that by limiting this to the Viewaskewniverse, I get to ignore Jersey Girl. I think that's really best for everyone). Honestly, though, I don't think it was really necessary (and neither did he, apparently, since he later recanted the apology).
(If you haven't heard the term 'Viewaskewniverse' before, it's the five movies with Jay and Silent Bob in them. Or is it six? I know there was a Clerks 2, but I haven't seen it, so I don't know if they're in it or not. Anyways, if you still don't know what I'm talking about, then you might as well skip on down to movie #2. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.)
As with most people who enjoy Kevin Smith's movies, I enjoy the snappy dialogue and nerdy yet eclectic content. Who can forget the Man of Steel coital debate in the food court? (Or the ensuing debate about what constitutes the food court?) There are some jokes with a decent amount of buildup throughout the movie, too, before the payoff (like the escalator).
Plus, I love me some Jason Lee. It's possible that I've watched movies just because Jason Lee was in them. (My Name is Earl, not so much.) What can I say? I love the dope. He's funny, yet Everyman.
So what's wrong with it? Well, the plot's not that great, even for Kevin Smith. The Jay and Silent Bob antics with the stage are just stupid; slapstick is not their thing. And the underage and "uncomfortable place" sex jokes, while hilarious when I was in high school, are a bit less so now.
And the cast (aside from Jason Lee, obviously, who can do no wrong)... meh. Jeremy London overacts everything, Claire Forlani is, well, Claire Forlani, and young Ben Affleck is, well, young Ben Affleck. (Did you remember that Ben Affleck is in this movie? Of course you did, since he's actually in every Viewaskewniverse movie from here on out. (Again, except for maybe Clerks 2, I don't know. Haven't seen it. I still don't know if it even counts, either. I'll let you look it up. Homework!)) Shannon Doherty isn't bad, and I love her voice, but still, meh.
But ultimately, this movie reminds me of high school. Which it should, since that's when it came out, and when I watched it. So that's not surprising. But it brings back good memories, and a strange desire to carry around small Dixie cups.
2) Boys and Girls
I'm going to be up front with you on this one. This is a crappy movie. When your friend that is notorious for liking bad movies thinks that this is a bad movie, you know you're in trouble.
The plot is choppy as all heck, what with all of the time jumps (though those do serve a purpose). Claire Forlani is absolutely a Manic Pixie Dream Girl (warning: that link goes to TVTropes. Enter at your own risk). Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Jason Biggs are who they always are. The movie fails the Bechdel test miserably.
The movie also borrows heavily from She's All That, what with Freddie Prinze, Jr., having characters walk into flashbacks (which is actually kind of a cool effect and transition, but having two movies use it basically back to back wasn't great), and a random choreographed mass dance scene for no real reason. As this is not a musical, this is not okay. It just feels like going through the motions.
Plus, the movie puts WSU in Seattle. I don't think anyone on either side of that is going to find that acceptable. Oregon folks might, but we all know what THEY'RE like. (Sorry to the (at least) two friends who went to U of O and might read this. You know I still love you guys.) It's a very small part of the movie, but still. It burns us. Gollum! Gollum!
So why do I like it so much? Sentimentality, primarily, I guess. This movie came out the summer before I started college, and as it's about the main character starting and going through college, it resonated with me quite a bit. It was also a couple solid parallels with things that happened to me later in college.
Additionally, there's a reason that the Manic Pixie Dream Girl (henceforth known as MPDG, because that's just tedious to spell out) is considered wish fulfillment. I do wish to stop here and clearly state, emphatically and for the record, so that there will be no confusion, outrage or serious discussions later, that Emily is not an MPDG, and that I do not wish her to be. The MPDG is not wish fulfillment now, but it was back then, I admit.
Plus, I apparently had a thing for Claire Forlani. As one does. (That is a thing one does, isn't it? Surely there's someone out there who'll back me up on this?) So there's that.
3) 10 Things I Hate About You
I debated whether or not to include this one here, because it's actually a pretty good movie. Actually, don't believe the IMDB rating; this movie is great. They're just missing what's there. It's only on here because I love this movie to death, which is probably a bit more than it deserves. (It's possible that I can practically recite this movie by heart, and that I've driven Emily crazy with the frequency with which I quote it in responses to things she says. I can't help it! They're just something I have, you know, lying around my brain.)
I mean, what's not to like about this movie? The dialogue is great, and even includes some Shakespeare. The cast is fantastic. The dad is so completely unbalanced in a hilariously, yet perfectly reasonable way. (For whatever value of "perfectly reasonable" you want to assign given "completely unbalanced". But come on, he's up to his elbows in placenta all day long, including teen pregnancies. That's got to do something to a single dad with two teen daughters and who is constantly being called back to work.)
The humor is a nice blend of slapstick and dialogue, by which I mean there's a dash of slapstick. (You will not be finding Jackass on any of my lists of movies that involve me liking them.) How can you not find Allison Janney's guidance counselor funny? (And this movie had Allison freakin' Janney in it! As a small supporting character!) And the soundtrack and score are both done very well.
Yes, this movie definitely fails the Bechdel test, too, but I think that's forgivable. This is high school, after all. Just about every real-life high school conversation fails the Bechdel test. (And the same for whatever the version of the Bechdel test would be for guys.) Add the fact that this is a rom-com, and there you have it.
Plus, it's set in Seattle! Was most of the filming done in Seattle? Well, okay, no, not actually, but Stadium High School is still a pretty awesome setting, and they do a good job of including at least a few significant Seattle locations.
A few of you have already heard this story, but seeing this movie is actually what convinced me to go to UW, be a Husky. (Grrrr-rrrr. Rrrrrrr!) (For the record, that's not something we actually do.) I'd been trying to decide between UW and ASU, and this movie reminded me just how pretty and green Seattle is, and how gorgeous it is when the weather's nice. ASU has nice Spanish architecture, but "pretty", "green" and "gorgeous" it is not. So that was the tipping point in my decision. (Good work, AJ.) Yes, a non-trivial amount of my college decision process was influenced by a movie. (Sorry, Mom and Dad!) (Actually, I think you guys liked that I was a 3 1/2 hour drive away instead of a several hour flight away, so no complaints.) Worked out, though!
You may have noticed that I haven't really said anything bad about this movie. That would be because there's really nothing bad to say about it. It's just that, were I to have to be completely, totally, gun-to-my-head honest, I would not rank this movie among the all-time cinematic masterpieces. (Although a lot of those are overrated, too!) It's no Bikini Kill or the Raincoats. But if you don't watch this movie, or if you choose to say anything bad about it, I do want you to understand the full weight of your decision.
So that's it. I could probably come up with more movies that I love more than they deserve, but three is a good number. Instead, anyone want to share some of their own picks? Leave a note in the comments, or on Facebook!
(Also, there are three quotes in here that don't belong to the movies named. (The LotR one doesn't count.) The first should be glaringly obvious, but bonus points to whoever can identify the second (it's actually from TV), and double extra bonus points to anyone who finds the third, since you either have to follow the inner workings of my twisted brain through a couple free-associative leaps, or just know that particular movie fairly well. We'll keep score just like Whose Line Is It, Anyway?)
(And I regret nothing about all of the 10 Things quotes. That movie is brilliant.)
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