Scathing Critiques of Children's Literature: Curious George

(This is the start of a series where I look at just how terrible some children's books really are.  I did a Facebook post on Curious George a while back, but in case you've already read that, rest assured that this is a revised and expanded version.)

Is it just me, or are the Curious George stories actually terrible things to be reading to children?

In general, we want the books we read our children to reflect the life lessons we want them to sneakily absorb.  Sure, they should be inventive and fun and engaging and entertaining (or I'm certainly not going to read them; boring!), but my life as a parent certainly gets a lot easier when I can foist the heavy moralizing and social instruction off onto storytime.  Who's got time to do that themselves?

But the lessons that are embedded in Curious George are absolutely horrifying.  Let's look at the typical story arc for George, especially in the newer books (which I'm going to assume the TV show more closely resembles):

1) George goes somewhere with the man with the yellow hat.
2) George promises to be good while the man with the yellow hat goes off somewhere else. (Don't worry, we'll be discussing the man with the yellow hat later.)
3) George is good for about 5 seconds before saying, "Screw it", and doing his own thing.
4) George gets into trouble.
5) (common but not universal) George runs away to avoid being in trouble.
6) George fixes (usually accidentally) a problem that was caused by his screw-up to begin with.
7) George wins all the praise!

Written out like that, it's like it was scripted by Honest Toddler or something.  (Although surprisingly, Honest Toddler doesn't like Curious George.  Haven't figured that one out yet.  Maybe Caillou does?)  But seriously, this is the storyline we want our kids to absorb? No consequences, just everything working itself out in the end to your advantage? "Oh, no, George, I don't mind at all that you've made hours of extra work for me by dumping all the dirt in my dump truck into the pond! You made a nice unplanned island for ducks that will probably last about 3 days in reality, so it's all okay, and you're awesome!"

And the adults... hoo boy, the adults in this book.

Let's start with the fact that the man with the yellow hat KIDNAPS George from the jungle to take him halfway across the world and sell him to a zoo. That was a bit eye-opening to read, although in keeping with the times, I suppose.

And as a pseudo-parent, the man with the yellow hat is comically naive and nigh-criminally negligent in his supervision of George.  Sometimes he just asks George to wait somewhere, despite the hundreds of pages in previous tales that shows that George is entirely incapable of waiting.  Sometimes he leaves George entirely unattended in the house (or elsewhere) for hours at a time! 

And let's not even talk about the time that George goes missing, gets press-ganged by a circus (which they were planning on attending together), and the man takes a break from his supposedly-frantic searching for George TO GO TO THE CIRCUS ANYWAYS.  Without George.  Hey, when you've got tickets, y'know?  Of course, since George is there, having been Tom Sawyered into performing, it all works out in the end.  Of course.

The rest of the adults are generally petty, vengeful, physically-threatening overreacters. It's honestly hard to blame George for running away when most adults seem to react to his misdeeds by charging at him with a clear intent of bodily assault.  Of course, everyone changes their tune once George has his [sarcasm]crowning moment of awesome[\sarcasm].  George is magically forgiven for everything, regardless of any property damage, accidental poisoning, bodily harm or other massive inconvenience he might have caused.

I did call out the later books above specifically, because the older books aren't quite so bad.  If nothing else, they're way more entertaining, because they are insane.  In one book, George:

1) Receives a letter while once again being left unattended at home for hours.
2) Tries to write his own letter (despite not being able to read) and spills ink everywhere by trying to fill a fountain pen with a funnel.
3) Floods the room with soap and water trying to clean up.
4) Steals a pump and a cow to pull it.
5) Hops a ride on a truck going who-knows-where to avoid apprehension by the owners of the pump and cow.  (How George hasn't wound up in another state, never to be found again, is beyond me.)
6) Destroys a dinosaur exhibit at the science museum trying to eat fake coconuts.
7) Gets rescued from yet another bout of incarceration by the man with the yellow hat, who tells everyone that the letter was from the director of the science museum, who then forgives George for the thousands of dollars of damage and the destruction of priceless fossils.
8) Agrees, under what can hardly be called informed consent, to demonstrate the ejection capability of a rocket that the director has apparently built (in his backyard or something, I don't know.  It's pretty sketchy).
9) Undergoes extremely minimal training, and is escorted to a rocket and launch pad that basically look like they were built by Estes.
10) Is summarily launched with minimal countdown or launch preparations (including protections for those launching the rocket).
11) Is nearly lost in space before he overcomes (apparently unanticipated) g-forces to activate the ejection mechanism, which is placed inconveniently far away for a small monkey, yet is large enough to displace most other controls that would be useful in actually controlling the rocket.
12) Is feted by everyone in town upon his return, including the woman who spent hours cleaning up the soap and water mess.

I just... I mean... what?  All the problems I mention above are still there, but at least it's so over-the-top crazy that it's entertaining to read.   The new ones aren't nearly so entertaining (although at least they're shorter).

Also, George's place of residence seems to change with every book.  One time he's in an apartment.  Another time he's in the city.  Other times he's in the suburbs/other smaller towns, although the surroundings are always different.  Perhaps the man with the yellow hat is a spy, and is constantly forced to change locations due to the visibility George is bringing him?  This would also explain why he leaves George alone for so long so frequently.  Yep, this is my headcanon now.

Unfortunately, Kieran really likes them, so the best I can do is just enforce a break from them every now and then (and try to steer him back to the Berenstain Bears).  But really, how did a series with such lousy role models and life lessons get so popular and prevalent?  Never underestimate the power of a small monkey, I guess.

At least it's better than Caillou.