A Paean to Whom

(Another grammar poem!  I'm sure you're all very excited.)

There once was an object few knew how to use;
Just thinking of it would drive some folks to booze
And give all the others a very short fuse
'Cause none of them knew how to give it its dues.

The object I mention herein is the 'whom',
Whose presence, o'er English, does hover and loom
And give all a sense of their impending doom:
To take their ignorance right down to their tomb.

It's not really so hard to figure it out:
How to use 'whom', not 'who', without a doubt.
Just heed these next words and you always can tout
How you fought back your fears and put them to a rout.

A 'whom' is a person to whom something's done;
If you're looking for actions by 'whom', you'll find none.
They're recipients only, they don' t have the fun
Of even tasks simple as making a pun.

However, their presence can make you sound smart,
Just like the subjunctive!  Proper grammar's part
In making you seem just as sharp as a dart 
Can happen if you take its rules to heart.

So use 'whom' wherever you possibly can:
If there is someone after whom you just ran
Or someone you've given a ride in your van,
Or with whom you video gamed o'er a LAN.

Some people might scoff and some others might scorn,
And their distaste might make you feel oh so forlorn.
But take heart!  For civilization is born
From those who take just such a bull by the horn

And stick by their guns in upholding a word
That's no longer in letters than something like 'bird',
And yet puzzles and worries a whole baffled herd
Of bewildered folks, some of whom went to Stanford.

So try it!  It's easy, once you get the hang
Of using 'whom' properly.  You'll feel a pang
Of sympathy for those who say sadly, "Dang!
I'd do better with Klingon when speaking to Kang."

Please don't be like one of these ignorant clots
And fail to properly connect the dots.
Just read this!  I know that here I've written lots,
But hopefully nothing to tie you in knots.